Old laundry

Digging through boxes I  found a couple of old tees that I thought had long disappeared. My 'war souvenirs' from the July 1997 factional fighting in Phnom Penh (a two day military confrontation [July 5-6] between FUNCINPEC and CPP forces.) To my memory there were a few different war tees. One played on the embassies' reluctance to label the fighting a 'coup' or the assisted exodus of expats an 'evacuation.'  On the front it had a drawing of civilians running to a C-130 at the airport, entitled "This is not an evacuation." On the back it had a picture of tanks on the streets, entitled "And this is not a coup." Anyway, here's a couple of photos on my old laundry.

From my journal:

"July 13, 1997

A good end to a bad week

Last night, Saturday night, was special. The Australian ambassador (Tony Kevin) had a ‘barbie’ at his residence near Wat Phnom. The ambassador's Saturday barbie has long been a regular weekly event open to Aussies and other expats, but this week's was the first truly normal happening since the little war.

Tents were set on the lawn of the ambassador's villa, steaks and chops on the grill and a free flow of draft Angkor. Very well attended by a strange medley of embassy/NGO types, English teachers, journos and construction guys. Rain threatened but nobody seemed to care. The DG guys were there, selling tee-shirts on the side. I bought my first war-related tee:

Coup? Hunpossible!

Democracy? Sensational!

And another with "What did you get up to this weekend?" on the back and the text of the the recorded war warning from the embassy on the front.

We drank beer, socialized with expats, some of whom were actually not leaving the country, and had a generally good time that stretched into the evening. As the sun sank there was some talk of security, but the party plugged on. It was the first truly light, relaxed and encouraging moment since the fighting, and it was the first time many have been out after dark this week.

After the ambassador's party I went to the Heart of Darkness, my standard. Around 30 people were there, mostly men. Light for a Saturday but, according to Samnang, it was the first night the Heart had had any real business since the fighting. People drank and smoked and told giddy stories of ‘where I was when...’ and what’s going to happen next. Like a bunch of school boys, we were all friends last night.

As I put on a light and listened to stories passing up and down the bar, I felt...a rush. Something male, Hemingwayish and no doubt highly politically incorrect. I know it was wrong and shallow to feel this way, but...We made it! The war is definitely over. The week of hysteria is over. Everybody in the bar is a stayer. The spirit and the talk last night filled my cup."

Riverfront Scammers and the Filipino Blackjack Con

It’s the beginning of the high tourism season in Cambodia. The tourists are back, and so are the scammers that prey on them, especially in tourist zones like the riverfront in Phnom Penh. Actually, the scammers never left, but in my forays up the riverfront these last couple of weeks they seem to be out in numbers and working hard, chasing the fresh crop of newbies in Cambodia. Day before yesterday in front of the Royal Palace I almost got a photo of three different scammers in the same shot, but they saw me raise my camera and scattered.

There are of course the professional beggars that pester tourists as they try to have a meal on the riverfront, but they are more of an annoyance than scammer. There are also more insidious forms of this, such as the women (and sometime children) that carry around rented and drugged infants as sympathy props and child beggars that have been put on the street to work. All this is fairly well known.

Then there are the foreign scammers. ‘Wild Turkey Man’ (a.k.a. the Australian beggar) is probably the best known and longest ‘working’ of the group. He and at least one or two other foreigners are running the same scam on the riverfront, a rather old one in fact, often used on the traveler’s trail. He approaches you and spins a tale about how he’s a tourist who has lost or had his passport and money stolen, the embassy requires him to pay for a new one, or is making him wait, leaving him penniless and on the street, or he needs a bus ticket to Siem Reap to pick it up, etc., etc. The tale ends predictably, with a plea for financial help, “just a dollar, maybe a few…” Leaving aside issues of honesty and such, the biggest problem I have with these sorts of foreign ne’er-do-wells is that while they are scamming tourists for beer money they are also competing with poverty-stricken third-worlders for the limited pity dollars that flow in the tourist areas.  

But it wasn’t the usual suspects that inspired this post. It was the appearance of a comparatively new and potentially much more dangerous group of tourist scammers in Cambodia – what’s become known as the ‘Filipino Mafia’ or ‘Filipino Blackjack Con.’ One of these guys tried to work me the other day in front of the National Museum, and it wasn’t an hour later that a tuk-tuk driver was complaining to me (unprompted) that a tourist couple he had been ferrying around had to cut their Cambodia holiday short for having fallen prey to “Filipino sharks.” He claims that there are several of these scammers working in Phnom Penh and that he and other tuk-tuks have complained to the police, who have as yet done nothing about it.

The Filipino scammers have been running this con for years in Vietnam and their doings in Ho Chi Minh City have been well documented by Adam Bray on his website Fish Egg Tree. Even the well-experienced Vagabond Traveler was taken for a ride by these guys in Saigon.

I first noticed them here in Phnom Penh about a year ago. While walking past the Royal Palace I was approached by a friendly Asian couple – a man in his 50s and a woman in her 30s in casual dress. They began by complimenting my hat and asked where I got it. This led to more friendly conversation, and more praise and interest in my knowledge, appearance and country. They claimed to be Malaysians living in Australia. When they found out that I was a long-term expat they ended the conversation politely but quickly. I was immediately suspicious. It may sound cynical, but while somebody may stop to ask directions or perhaps try to sell you something, nobody starts extended conversations with passing strangers for no particular reason. I didn’t know what the game was at the time, but something was definitely fishy.

Three weeks later the same couple approached me in the same spot in almost the same way, but this time it was my beard they liked. They had forgotten me from before. They claimed to be half-Khmer/half-Malaysian visiting family in Cambodia. Again, they showed glowing interest in my country, my travels, my family and my experiences as a tourist in Cambodia. All 'feel good' stuff, appealing to my vanity and sense of openness as a traveler. Again, they ended the conversation when they learned I was a long-termer. I still didn’t know what they were up to but it was clearly no-good. I saw them a few times after that, walking the same area, but they didn’t approach me again.

It was shortly thereafter I learned about the ‘Filipino Blackjack scam’ being run in Saigon and heard that the same scammers had been seen in Phnom Penh. I put 2 and 2 together.

About a month ago in front of the National Museum here in Phnom Penh another couple approached me in the same way – different people, same general description, same sort of conversation except this time they started by complimenting me on my handsome backpack. Like the others, they spoke English well and with a non-Khmer accent. Unlike previous encounters, I changed my story and said I was a tourist. The conversation ran much longer. They expressed great interest in learning more about my country and invited me to join them for an authentic Khmer meal, a cultural exchange of sorts. I already knew enough, begged off and walked away. Whatever was to happen next, it was going to be some sort of an attempt to lead me into a situation over which I had no control and then separate me from my money.

Over the last month I have spotted the male half of the couple several times working tourists on the Sothearos Blvd sidewalk in front of the National Museum in Phnom Penh. Twice in the last two weeks, apparently forgetting that they have already done this to me several times, he approached me with the same lame sort of compliment/question they use every time. Day before yesterday it was my sunglasses he liked. “Very nice sunglasses. Did you buy those here?…”

They have been seen in several places in Phnom Penh including other parts of the riverfront, at Sorya Mall, in the park next to Wat Botom and in front of the Central Market (Phsar Thmey.) There are also recent reports that they are working in Siem Reap as well.

No need to detail the rest of their scam – how they manipulate you into a compromised situation, how you get into a card game you never thought you’d enter, how you lose money you never thought you’d bet, how it can amount to hundreds or even thousands of dollars, how they pressure, threaten, even drug you afterwards. They are slick and they are professionals and if you start to walk down the rosy path with them, they will get you there. The details of the scam have already been well covered by Fish Egg Tree and Vagabond Traveler.

You only need to know that THE FILIPINO SCAMMERS ARE HERE IN CAMBODIA, that they are targeting tourists, and to follow the advice that your Mom gave you when you were young...

BEWARE of friendly strangers.

Pedophile!

It finally happened.

As a result of the hysteria generated by the western press, and perhaps a bit of racism as well, today I was accused of being a pedophile, for absolutely no other reason than being a white male in the company of brown children – my son and daughter. 

First, just a bit about us. I’m 50+ years old, white, a businessman and have lived in Cambodia for more than 18 years. I’m married to an Asian woman. We’ve been together more than 10 years and have two beautiful children - a 9 year old girl and 7 year old boy. We are the natural parents of both. They are wonderful children, the loves of my life. They are well-behaved, excellent students and speak perfectly accented American English as well as 2-3 other languages. And though it sickens me that the situation requires me to make note of their racial features… though they are not distinctly Asian, they are darker than me and not 100% European in appearance, to anybody with an eye, clearly ‘kon kut’ (mixed race.)

I work a lot, perhaps too much, but always reserve Sundays for my family and children. It’s become a Sunday afternoon tradition in our family to give Mom a break, some time for herself. The kids and I always go somewhere together on Sunday afternoons - the Museum, the park, the Palace, the Russian Market, or quite often the riverfront for snacks and CD shopping, as we did today. 

We took a tuk-tuk to the riverfront, got out at K-West (Sisowath Quay and Street 154) and started walking up the riverfront road. My children were dressed in their Sunday best, happy and smiling. We strolled hand in hand, my daughter anxious to buy the newest installment of Harry Potter at the CD shop, my son looking forward to strawberry and passion fruit ice cream at K-West.

We hadn’t got but 40 meters when I noticed a woman – white, 50ish, seemingly a tourist - walking toward us taking photos in our direction. A man, presumably the husband, stood next to her. As we got closer I thought she might be trying to get a riverfront shot, perhaps of something behind me, so I stepped slightly to the side to get out of the way. But she tracked us with her camera. As we got closer and she kept shooting I furrowed my brow in a ‘what are you doing?’ sort of way, but didn’t actually say anything.

She held up her camera, pointed at it and said, “Internet!” I wasn’t sure I got the meaning so I said “what?” She pointed at her camera again and said with a smirk, “Internet,” pointed at me and said, “you pedo!” Hearing clearly but not wanting to make a mistake I stepped closer to her and asked again. She repeated, “Photo you, internet, you pedo…for police,” in a distinctly Italian accent. I said something like “These are my children.” She just shook her head and started to raise her camera again. I said, “You want police? You want to call the police?” She nodded. I said, “I’ll call police.” She nodded again and we stepped to the side of the pavement together. My children backed off a few steps, frightened by the obvious tension in our voices. I pulled out my phone, called my staff and asked them to call the police and I called the police myself as well. I told them where I was and asked them to come quickly.

We stood there uncomfortably for a moment. I considered grabbing the camera, but didn’t want to start a fight, especially with my children there. I motioned my children to us and told my daughter to explain who she was. I figured my daughter’s thick American accent alone should be enough. My daughter started to tell her name, age and such when the Italian woman cut her off. “No English. No English,” she barked. Startled, my children moved behind me.

We stood there another uncomfortable minute, waiting. The woman started to get nervous. She said “I go,” and tried to push past me. I said “No, we wait for police.” She repeated that she was going. I told her to either wait for the police or delete the photos. She said, “No, you pedo,” and tried to push past me again. I stood firm and told her we were going to wait for the police. She pushed me back but I stayed in front of her like a blocker. I didn’t touch her myself because she was a woman, but she pushed me back repeatedly. It became a jostling and yelling match, her pushing, me blocking, staggering down the riverfront back toward K-West. Khmers and tourists stood and stared at the commotion. I just kept repeating, “wait for the police or delete the photos,” as did she, “no, no…go, go.” 

Through all this her husband did nothing to help her. I kept expecting him to jump in. Rather hoping he would actually.  But he just looked uncomfortable, slowly, silently, wimpishly following behind his wife.

In front of K-West they jumped in a tuk-tuk. I thought about getting in too. Or perhaps grabbing a motodup. I saw my children standing about 15 meters away, wide-eyed. I didn’t want to involve them in a chase. This was already too much. I pulled out my phone and aimed it at the woman to take a photo. She screamed, “No photo! No photo!” and covered her face. It took a few seconds for my camera to work allowing her time to cover. I took several photos, all of her with face covered.

After they left, I called the police back and told them she was gone and to not bother coming.

My kids and I went into K-West, got some tea and sodas and we talked about what had happened. I tried to explain, leaving out the bit about pedophilia and replacing it with ‘she thought I was trying to steal you.’ “Why?” they asked. I could only say because I’m white and they look Asian. “But we’re a family,” they said. They know that their Mom is Asian and I’m a barang, but they haven’t yet learned that this is an important distinction in the minds of some.

I know there is more to it than that, but how do I explain that to a 7 and 9 year old?

In moments of silence, as they tried to comprehend what this woman had done, I tweeted about it. The whole thing left me rattled. Bitching about it on internet seemed to help relieve the tension a bit.

My daughter made an astute observation in the aftermath. Thirty minutes later, as we walked to the CD shop she said, “She knows nothing about Cambodia. Doesn’t she know that Asians and Americans can have children? She doesn’t know anything.”

I think my daughter is right about that, or perhaps even understated it a bit. The woman doesn’t know anything about Cambodia. She, in fact, probably only imagines she knows something because of what she has read in the western press, which is something less than nothing in many cases.

If this Italian woman isn’t simply a racist, her mind has probably been twisted by the constant stream of sensational, repetitive and often wildly-overstated stories of western pedophiles and abused children in Cambodia.  And not only by the western press but by NGOs that profit from it and feed the beast with exaggerated stats and a constant stream of rehashed horrors stories that keep the funds flowing and the presses humming.

Back in the US a few months ago I saw MSNBC playing their 8 year old ‘Children for Sale’ video yet again, about a brothel village that hasn’t existed in more than half a decade. Some NGOs are still pawning off the ’33,000 child prostitutes in Cambodia’ stat when there aren’t 33,000 prostitutes of any age in Cambodia (link). Some Christian NGOs tell their people that there are women chained to beds and being raped in hostess bars in the center of the tourist district on the Phnom Penh riverfront. Every westerner busted for pedophilia in Cambodia is repeated in the international press for weeks while the fact that they make up a tiny fraction of the pedos in Cambodia goes unmentioned. Nicholas Kristof parachutes into Cambodia to do a sensational live-tweet of a brothel raid, painting himself the cowboy hero riding to the rescue of women and children in the Wild West (link1 link 2). Some NGOs in Cambodia parade their rescued victims (link) of trafficking in front of an insatiable press and voyeuristic tourists to repeat their stories of victimhood again and again - donations accepted. Sex in Cambodia sells. 

Don’t get me wrong. Human trafficking and trafficking in children for sex is a real and present problem in Cambodia, and the rest of the world. There are pedophiles, especially amongst the Khmer and Asians, and certainly westerners too. It all needs to be addressed, there is no doubt about that. But the western press’s manic fixation on abusive sex in Cambodia has made the country name synonymous with pedophilia, unfairly and inaccurately so.

From her exposure to the press, tourists like this Italian woman think that pedophiles are as common as cockroaches, that any white man with an Asian looking child must be a pedo who can simply waltz through tourist areas in broad daylight with a prepubescent child on each hand. (And I can’t help but believe that if my children had been white, she wouldn’t have made this judgment about us.) Kristof’s sensationalism has 3-day tourists believing they too can play super-hero, identifying pedos at a glance, swooping to the rescue and saving a child in between their afternoon visit to the Royal Palace and authentic Cambodian Curry dinner on the riverfront.

Ultimately, as good as their intentions might be, as important as the problem is, the press, some NGOs and these misguided tourists are doing the country, the victims of trafficking, and yes, even little people like me a terrible disservice, while enriching and glorifying themselves in the process. This needs to stop. This isn’t a game or an action hero movie or an opportunity for tourists to feel righteous pity. The problems need to be addressed realistically and not in the context of sensationalism, mania, big-money, and dare I say, racism.

If, unlike this Italian woman, you have a reasonable, rational belief that you have seen a child in a risk situation, by all means, call the ChildSafe helpline, if possible keep the child in sight and wait until the ChildSafe team arrives to sort things out.

Anyway, I figure that when my photo turns up on some Italian website as another pedophile operating openly and with impunity in Cambodia, it will also include a story of my powerful police connections that were on their way to protect me and how she had to flee for her life. A narrow escape by our heroine, just like in the movies. Cambodia is a very dangerous place, you know. And her harrowing tale might even generate a few donations for some Cambodian anti-trafficking NGO.

Children Are Not Tourist Attractions

Tourists, listen up...

Today, Friends-International launched its new 'Children Are Not Tourist Attractions' campaign, including the article below, a new website and an ad campaign with banners on tuk-tuks in Phnom Penh, all to raise awareness about the orphanage tourism game and related child exploitation and voluntourism issues. The goal is to put an end to orphanage tourism in Cambodia. Such a campaign is long-overdue and sorely needed. The article and website are brilliant. I've been railing about this issue for years and it is very near and dear to my heart. (I only wish I could have been so eloquent as Friend-International has been in their website and article.) I wish them the greatest success in this endeavor. Please read, learn and heed their advice.

Photo by Friends-International from the

'When Children Become Tourist Attractions' article.

When Children Become Tourist Attractions

Posted on 20 October 2011, by Friends-International

Each year, thousands of tourists visit orphanages in Cambodia thinking they are helping some of the most vulnerable children in the world. Recent reports however have found their visits may be doing more harm than good.

Nearing midnight on Pub Street, Siem Reap is buzzing. Hundreds, if not thousands of tourists roam from bar to bar, looking for a good time after spending full days wandering through Cambodia’s spectacular Angkor Wat temples.

Beggars follow the travelers around, while other locals sell flowers, fake travel guides and postcards to unassuming customers. Through the mayhem, a small team of professional junior entrepreneurs make their way down the street pitching a different product to the hordes – a visit to a nearby orphanage...Continue reading here

Learn more at the Friends-International CHILDREN ARE NOT TOURIST ATTRACTIONS website.

Please, do not engage in orphanage tourism.

(If I may indulge briefly in a bit of selfish told-you-so righteous gloating...as I mentioned above, I have been on about the orphanage issue for the better part of a decade and the child beggar/vendor issue for a lot longer than that. As an old white male expat, I have been accused of being jaded, heartless, a cynical old expat and much, much worse, because of my views on this matter - all while the name-callers bought flowers from 8-year-old vendors in the bar in the middle of the night, doled out dollar bills to glue sniffing kids on the street and told teary-eyed stories of the orphanage at which they voluntoured [for a price] washing dishes and playing with the children. Tourists, most often young and more often than not female, with big hearts and very little thought, all knew so much more than this old male expat with 25 years in Asia under his belt. I am thrilled to see this long-established, trustworthy, highly credible organization saying basically the same thing, though of course in a more affable, organized, less curmudgeonly way. Maybe now people will listen.)

The way things are done

Riverfront pavement cleared of restaurant tables and chairs

Today the police made the rounds on the Phnom Penh riverfront, once again ordering restaurants and bars to pull their sidewalk seating back inside. This has been an on-going battle between the police and the riverfront cafés for several years. It's never made much sense to me. The riverfront is perhaps the most popular tourist area in the city. Many tourists and other diners prefer the sidewalk seating to being trapped indoors - to enjoy the view of the riverfront scene, the sights, the sun, the air, Sambo the elephant walking by. Presumably this clearing is done to keep the path open for pedestrians, though for years the restaurants have been particularly careful to leave at least half the sidewalk clear for passers-by. I walk the riverfront everyday and though there are plenty of obstacles I have never had my path encumbered by sidewalk seating. 

That aside, the police have cleared the riverfront sidewalk of all restaurant tables and chairs. Where yesterday there were happy tourists swigging mugs of cold Angkor beer, there is now enough space for a two-lane tuk-tuk highway. And what was left after they cleared the riverfront of this offending tourist draw?

 

 Motorcycle parking...

 

Luxury vehicles and tuk-tuks blocking the crosswalks...

 

Child beggars/vendors and more tuk-tuks blocking the crosswalks...

 

Luxury car parking...

 

Vans loading coffins...

More motorcycles and scaffolding...

Racks of clothes...

...and plenty of room to park your car.

But to be sure, there was no sidewalk seating on the pavement. Nor were there any tourists sitting in that non-existent seating spending their tourist dollars. If nothing else, the police accomplished that much. As for the luxury vehicles on the sidewalk, the motorcycles and cars, the exploited children, the tuk-tuks blocking the crosswalks and so on, well, the authorities have their priorities.

Southeast Asia Backpacker's Credo and Motto

The Credo
1. I shall eschew the ways of the tourist and have an authentic Asian experience rather than a shallow, contrived, package holiday. I am Traveler.

2. I shall wear the largest possible backpack to bear proud witness of my creed.
3. I will spend my travels on the quest for Our Holy Grail - for the ‘Unspoiled Place’ - a place undiscovered by tourists, where happy, welcoming, generous natives tend vast fields of ganja along a deserted, previously unknown tropical beach, and that has Internet access.
4. I shall begin my quest on Khao San Road.
5. I shall not leave Khao San Road without a Lonely Planet guide.
6. I shall never admit to using a Lonely Planet guide.
7. I shall follow ‘Wheeler’s Way’, a mystical school of thought, which both eschews and embraces Khao San Road – a way of finding the Unspoiled Place without ever leaving the path.

(Editors note: ‘Wheeler’s Way’ is a school of thought posited as a possible answer to the decades old conundrum known as the ‘Sang Thip Paradox’: If it is in Lonely Planet then I can find it, but it won’t be the Unspoiled Place. If it is not in Lonely Planet, it might be the Unspoiled Place, but I won’t be able to find it.)

8. I shall wear the traditional international backpacker’s uniform and don at least one piece of local clothing (conical hat, krama, yam, etc.) to show my oneness with the Asian people.
9. I shall not clean the local soils and aromas from my uniform for I wish to always carry a piece of where I have been.
10. I shall never wear a souvenir tee shirt in the tee-shirt’s country of origin.
11. I shall eat banana pancakes on a regular basis, for it is the quintessential Asian food.
12. I shall eat in the cheapest restaurants. Hygiene is for package tourists.
13. I shall travel by the least comfortable means, for comfort is also for package tourists.
14. I shall drink the local beer, for I shall always endeavor to be in tune with the local culture. And because it is the cheapest.
15. I shall stay in the cheapest guesthouse. More money for beer.
16. I shall not allocate more that 75% of my daily budget to alcohol and drugs. Moderation in all things.
17. I shall make a pilgrimage to a Full Moon Party at Had Rin Beach Koh Phangan at least once in my life. For it is Mecca.
18. I shall revel in food and mosquito-borne diseases, for these are the badges of the true Asian Traveler.
19. I shall not leave Thailand without having my hair colored, dreaded, corn-rolled or shaved off.
20. I shall model my travels on “On the Road” by Jack Kerouac
21. I shall read “The Beach” before entering Thailand so that I understand the goal of quest.
22. I shall read “Off the Rails in Phnom Penh” before entering Cambodia so that I understand the dangers of the quest.
23. I shall read “The Quite American” while travelling through Vietnam because everybody else is.
24. And this above all: I shall bargain without mercy and hone my skills to a sharp edge, so that I can proudly proclaim our sacred motto:

“I get it for less than the locals”

The Mantra
In times of trial and doubt – as I lose all feeling in my legs in the 14th hour of a local bus ride…when I can’t sleep for the noise of a thousand rats scurrying through my $2 room…as vomit and diarrhea spew simultaneously from my salmonella saturated body – I will repeat this mantra unto myself…

I am not a tourist
I am not a tourist
I am not a tourist
I am not a tourist
I am not a tourist
I am not a tourist

…until the doubt passes and I am ready for more authentic Asian experiences.


(I originally published this several years back. A couple of the references are a bit dated, but otherwise it seems to be holding up pretty well. Yes, I know, backpackers are an easy mark and perhaps picked on a bit too much, but having visited Khao Sarn Road today, I  just can't help myself. And it is, after all, the season to be jolly.) 

A Field Guide to the Tourists of Southeast Asia

Touristus Touristus
The Fat Bottomed Watcherbird, a.k.a. the Tourist: (Touristus Touristus)
A plump, colorful, non-intrusive species known for its varied yet strict migratory patterns and strong tendency to stick close to the flock. Though the Touristus Touristus migrates to a different destination in each of its annual forays from its native nesting grounds, it does so only briefly, rarely for more than a three week period, and only as part of a flock, usually consisting of 15 to 30 Watcherbirds, which remain grouped tightly together for the duration. Interestingly, upon returning to their native nesting grounds, these flocks disperse, never to see their flock-mates again. Aside from their distinctive flocking habits the Touristus Touristus is most easily identified by its clean, bright plumage, a fat wallet and its appearance exclusively in well-established roosting areas. Though not a gregarious species, often treating the locals with noisy disdain, the Touristus Touristus is nevertheless a highly prized species at its migratory destinations due to its habit of defecating money when pleased. The Fat Bottomed Watcherbird is ordinarily welcomed and treated with great care by the locals who often go to extraordinary lengths to entice or even trick it into roosting at their location.

Touristus Denialus (alt: Touristus Touristus Denialus)
The Lesser Fat Bottomed Watcherbird, a.k.a. the Traveler: (Touristus Denialus)
Often indistinguishable from the Touristus Touristus, so much so that some experts have concluded the Touristus Denialus not to be a separate species but a mere sub-species of the Touristus Touristus (i.e. Touristus Touristus Denialus.) This species has a similar appearance, tends to travel to the same destinations and stays about as long at each destination as the Touristus Touristus. Nevertheless there are some distinguishing features. Unlike the Touristus Touristus, the Touristus Denialus tends to move in much smaller groups, sometimes only in pairs or individually and is much more likely to be observed away from the well-established roosting grounds. Comparatively speaking, their plumage is not as bright and their wallet is not as fat as the Touristus Touristus and they rarely defecate money. Most distinctively, when in the presence of a flock of Touristus Touristus, the Touristus Denialus will cling together and sing 'Notmeeeeee, Notmeeeeee, Notmeeeee' repeatedly. They are known to continue to mutter the 'Notmeeee' call amongst themselves for hours after the Touristus Touristus has departed. Though generally welcomed by locals at their migratory destinations, they are not considered a particularly desirable species and are largely ignored. The female of the species is especially vulnerable to exploitation by the locals and is often hunted by local beggars, children and volunteer organizations for her cache of funds.

Touristus Vulgaris
The Dirty Plumed Tit, a.k.a. the Backpacker: (Touristus Vulgaris)
A cliquey, communal, migratory, low-end species with a permanently engorged backpack, a tight money-belt and a haughty attitude about any species outside of the clique. Considered a pest species in many countries, particularly in Asia. They tend to travel in pairs or small groups along well-trodden routes and roost for extended periods in great raucous flocks that can take over entire islands or sections of cities. They are in a constant state of shedding plastic bottles. They thrive on a diet of beer and whatever is cheapest though they do require regular feedings of banana pancakes to maintain health. Due to their docile and naive nature they are occasionally baited, trapped and consumed by the locals. The Dirty Plumed Tit displays chameleonesque qualities, sporting a tousled plumage which vaguely mimics both the local inhabitants and the now extinct Touristus Hippius (i.e. the Hippie.) Their migratory cycle is determined by the complex interplay of the monsoons and the school year and their primary migratory patterns follow those of the extinct Hippies, though most of the roosting grounds along the traditional migratory routes have been environmentally and culturally decimated, largely due to the adaptive success of Touristus Vulgaris.

Touristus Phallicus
The Dogbird, a.k.a. the Sex Tourist: (Touristus Phallicus)
A rogue migratory species, usually traveling individually, often welcomed by the locals at its migratory destinations, but shunned by other members of the Touristus family. As the name suggests, this species displays great sexual disparity with over 90% of the observed specimens being male. The stereotypical Dogbird is rotund and sometimes pear-shaped, usually a middle-aged male, sporting bright flowery plumage and Faginesque facial features. But in fact Dogbirds are multi-varied in appearance and age and are more accurately identified by behavior and migratory patterns. This species migrates the year round, but to a much more limited range of destinations than other members of the Touristus family, including Southeast Asia, the Philippines, India and Sri Lanka, Russia and Costa Rica. Females of the species frequent different destinations. Also dissimilar to other species of Touristus which tend to engage in a variety of behavioral activities, the Touristus Phallicus generally shows little interest in local culture and engages in a much more limited range of behaviors, focusing primarily on non-productive mating behaviors with the locals. The Touristus Phallicus is considered an exploitative species by many experts, similar to the Catbird which lays its eggs in the nests of other species. But the Touristus Phallicus is exploited by the locals as well, often falling prey to its own narrow range of behaviors. Properly manipulated, some have been known to disgorge their entire fortune to a local bird less than half its age.